Faerie Boots

Now that I’m no longer working for an MMO developer, I once again have time to play MMOs. Currently in my ever-revolving playlist is a new online game called RIFT.

RIFT plays like an updated version of Warhammer Online and looks like a dirtier version of Guild Wars. Its claim to fame are the titular rifts; temporary inter-planar doorways from which routine invasions occur. In terms of game play, these rifts act as spontaneous public quests. If you’re in an area when a rift opens, associated quest objectives instantly appear in your tracker and the system automatically creates a group or raid, which you are prompted to join. Although these rift events are supposed to be spontaneous, my sense was that the system times them at regular intervals, or they are based upon the player population within a given area. The game tries hard to keep you engaged by constantly bombarding you with rifts, enemy invasions and wandering high level mobs, to the point that it can become chaotic and overwhelming to an old geezer like me.

RIFT's fae character

"These boots are made for... dancing?"

Although RIFT has the standard Cleric, Mage, Warrior and Rogue classes, each class has a set of eight different “souls” from which you can choose a combination of three that forms a “role”. These souls act as class specializations, with each having a unique set of abilities that you gain over time as you level. Supposedly you can mix the souls in any way you choose, but I found that if you didn’t follow the game’s recommended combinations you would end up with a rather goofy (and gimped) character concept. My Rogue soul mixture of Bard, Assassin, and Bladedancer resulted in a character that could turn invisible, sneak up behind a monster and scare it to death by playing the mandolin – LOUDLY. Hilarious as it was, it wasn’t a very effective strategy.

The Druid, a soul choice for the Cleric class, has three Fae companion characters from which to choose. I find the art design for one of these fae companions to be a bit unsettling. It is my sincere hope that this creature is not intended to resemble a prepubescent female child. With its exposed cleavage and derriere, it would be wandering disturbingly close to pedobear territory. Barring this extremely unseemly choice leaves the possibility that this character is meant to resemble an adult female dwarf. In fuzzy knee-high boots and polka-dot underwear? Eh, ok.

I would have found it far more interesting if the artists at Trion Worlds had designed a MALE fae creature – with or without polka-dot undies. But in our deeply homophobic American culture, I’m sure a half-naked male faerie would have garnered the game a harsher ESRB rating. Because we all know that in fantasy, only females have breasts, abdomen and behinds that are impervious to arrows and swords.


7 Responses to “Faerie Boots”

  1. Brasse says:

    The hideous Fae are the reason I resisted going Druid in this game. They really are ugly. And disturbing. And have hair by Phyllis Diller.

    But…Adult female Dwarf me hairy arse!
    I mean lookit the butt cheeks hangin’ oot… just like… just like me pore beardless Dwarven Cleric self. Oh, tha shame o’ it.

    There is a reason I haven’t posted pics of my Dwarf character. =P

  2. Nersh says:

    Good to see you’re back! I missed your posts! <3

    Also wow, that is one ugly pixie-thing.

  3. Maria says:

    Hahaha love it.

  4. Eljacko says:

    To be fair, there are male fae in this game, as enemies, and they are indeed very scantly dressed. They are also hideously ugly. There are some pretty revealing clothing options for male characters, though, namely rogues. Also, many of the male leggings are tight-fitting and, evidently, made of leather. I would say that the game’s male character models and costumes don’t pander in quite the way the female ones do, but there is something there.

  5. Flakey says:

    Welcome back, and I am not sure if I could pick that class if lumbered with something like that either.

  6. Jarenth says:

    I am also glad you are back. It means less terrible MMOs I have to play through myself.

    Also, I agree with your assessment on Rift souls: You can experiment, if you want, but there’s not much incentive for it.

  7. Michael says:

    It can’t be a dwarf, there’s no beard on her.

    I’d guess it’s either a brownie or gnome.

    Also, I would LOVE to have a character that could sneak up and kill someone by performing music at them. Pity I don’t have a computer good enough to run this game.

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